Yesterday I dragged my husband out by his hair took the husband outside for fresh air, and ended up wandering into a big warehouse superstore. You know, the kind you need a “membership” to enter, which is just a really cutesy way of getting you to pay for the mere privilege of giving them more money.

But I digress.

I wondered if there were any bargains to be had therein, so we snuck past the armed guard poor woman standing at the door, grabbed a cart like we knew what we were doing, and proceeded to explore the depths of this warehouse.

Have you ever been in one of these? The building is endless. The rows of products look like something a Greek God would be comfortable shopping at, except nothing is gilded in gold. Shelves stack all the way to the ceiling, and everything comes in mondo huge plus sizes. Have I mentioned we have no children? It’s just the hubby and me and one furbaby. That’s important to know, for future reference.

The first aisle filled my eyes with electronic stars. TVs and computers and cameras, oh my! I could really use all of those things. Actually that’s not true. I don’t need any of them, but they sat on those shelves and begged me to purchase. I turned my head and passed them by, quickly. We don’t need that, I said out loud.

The next aisle contained beverages. Actually, the next three aisles contained beverages. Every sort of non alcoholic liquid refreshment your throat could desire.

“Look! They have that water you like.” I pointed, and hubby dutifully grabbed a case of it and chucked it into the basket. He had to do that because the sides of the basket were up around my ears. Then…

“Look! They have the water I like too! and it’s cheaper!” He picked up a case of the indicated liquid and heaved it into the basket too.

A stack of paper plates taller than me went in next.

As did a giant bag of pretzel chips and a case of diet candy bars. (yes, diet! I’m sure they’re quite healthy too. Really. They have chocolate, and how could that be bad?)

By now we’re only halfway through the place and I’m giddy with all the money I’m spending saving. “Look how much cheaper the toilet paper is!” I exclaimed as I tossed 100 rolls of it into the cart.

We reached the candy aisle and my better judgment started to kick in. I grabbed hubby’s hand and pulled him clear of the caseloads of chocolate, gummies, and treats. I heard someone crying/throwing a temper fit/screaming…I’m pretty sure it wasn’t the hubby protesting. Really.

I’m not sure how long we were in hell the store, but by the time we’d perused every aisle we had a giant cart load of giant products and stood in a giant line to leave. At which point I remembered we weren’t supposed to be there in the first place.


I did manage to go purchase a membership and get back to the line before hubby was escorted out by security. I’m also pleased to report that our purchases actually fit into the car. Barely.

The ride up the elevator was interesting.

Did I mention we live in an apartment?

“Where are we going to put all this stuff?” The hubby asked over a mountain of beverages now stowed on the counter.

“The bathroom?” *

At least when the next snowstorm or paper shortage hits, we’ll be well stocked and prepared with paper products and bottled water.



*Please note, I only stored the toilet paper in the bathroom. Really. The paper plates are on top of the washing machine.